developmental milestones

I tried to find something with as little text as possible:

Developmental Milestones

Good luck to all young parents and families. Remember that every child has his or her own pace of development. These milestones can occur before of after the 'appropriate' time. I would only worry if your child does not have any language, eye contact or motor movement close to a few months of the 'normal' range. If you have any concerns, be specific with your documentation or observations and contact a specialist.

the choice to be a social worker.

I've blogged about this several times, and it never really seems to change about how I made the choice to accept my responsibility as a functional member of society. My passion has spread to all age groups and stages of life, but it will always go back to my first best friend in elementary school: she would ride her bike to my house to get away from her not-so-warm family environment. I remember bruises covering her legs and arms, it could have been from simply being a child, but her emotions and personality convinced me otherwise. I always wanted to protect her, and take her away to something better, but what could I have done? I was only six years old.

Kids aren't supposed to save each other from their families. That's how I felt, and when I was nine years old, I stated that I will become a social worker. I still wonder how she is, and I even tried searching for her on FB. She's my first inspiration to help others who cannot help themselves--children and the elderly.

Personally, my experience through certain life stages and coping has also directed me towards this greater understanding as well. Having had a friend, a love, commit suicide during my teens has given me strength and a deep understanding of how it feels to be at the bottom. I think it offers me a feeling of humanity when it comes to emotions and how fragile stability may be at times. I have some close friends who have difficulty living with their negative emotions, so I understand not all have the flexibility or personality to cope alone. I won't be able to counsel family or friends directly, because it's unethical and messy, but I can always listen and offer myself as a model for healthy personal growth and acceptance.

Through my college career the inspiration has come from many children I have worked with in several settings. It comes from ELLs who need fair treatment in understanding the content, young children who need informed parents so they can receive free guidance from the government or a general good start towards learning, children with special needs who cannot voice those needs who depend on professionals to read their cues, low SES kids who are so bright and resilient, but need that extra guidance to succeed. I see inspiration to continue every where I am, and with each child I meet. I have been priviledged to impact the lives of 15 individuals or families so far. I want to continue untill I reach at least 100. Round numbers are nice. lol

burnt out

we went over stages of life, lots of generalizations--i know this will never apply to everyone. there will always be exceptions to the rules, which is why i like psychology so much. it's flexible and acknowledges how imperfect the science is. anywho i am focused on adulthood and major crises and events that are supposed to occur during this period. (i think this is based on American adults, i am sure other cultures will have other guidelines for this) there's not much said about young adulthood except this is the time where a concrete sense of identity should be constructed. I'm saying should because not all of us get there. According to James Marcia there are 4 stages of Identity Statuses:

Identity Forclosure: (teens - early 20s) unquestioned acceptance. adopted values of a culture or expectations of parents. does not achieve independent identity, highly affected by culture and religion

Identity Moratorium: (early 20s) try on different roles (volunteer, part-time jobs, switch jobs or majors often), struggle with sense of identity, but the more you try the more you will find out who you are.

Identity Diffusion: a failure to integrate a sense of self, not struggling to resolve identity conflicts

Identity Achievement: (lates 20s, early 30s until death) successful commitment to set of beliefs and values, cognitively flexible and a higher level of moral reasoning. It is the preferred identity status.

Identity Foreclosure is worse than Diffusion. Following preset life rules like a sheep is no way to live. Questioning, acceptance and balancing conflicting beliefs is vital!

So with the being burnt out thing--this usually occurs during middle adulthood, the definition is vague, but it applies to those who are 'the job', and have nothing else to define themselves at the end of the day. This was my problem when I started working with young children. I felt like I had to save them from uninformed parents or caregivers who were not educated enough. Even though people who work with trauma, the disabled, or emotionally challenged have a faster rate of being burnt out, i understand now that there needs to be a balance, and there needs to be things outside of my job that define me.

This can also be applied to parents when their children leave and/or start their own families. When a child is born, the next 20 years of a parent's life is devoted to him or her. The problem with that is there was a preexisting relationship that still needs nurturing and growth. After all this energy is spent raising a child and he leaves, the house is left with two middle-aged people who have to relearn who each other are. This can also result in the "empty nest syndrome" where parents have a second honeymoon and they rekindle their relationship, travel, and appreciate one another in a new light. Parents may also not adjust well to their children leaving by manipulating with money or emotions, any method possible to have their children back home and becoming a helicopter parent.

In terms of quality of life with work, and adjusting to children leaving the home, there needs to be a balance and understanding of what is acceptable behavior for the individual. Parents need to be reminded that their first love was their partner before the child, and that relationship needs attention and growth too. People who work with trauma need to be reminded that the job is not the only thing that defines you, if you take your work home, it's setting yourself up for a quicker burn out and degradation in your overall quality of life.