I'm quite proud of myself for being happy for so long, staying positive and working through negative thoughts. It's impossible to stay happy all the time, though. And it proves to me that it's something that needs to be practiced and appreciated through the dark moments. I mean, I know therapists go to other therapists to keep themselves in check. Gotta recharge and drain the negative energy... I also know this post is not similar to ones I've posted ten years ago when I was completely immersed in sadness. Never want to be like that again. Ever.
It's just a bummer right now to be in this lack of financial stability. I'm not blaming anyone, and I'm not going to put myself down for making this choice. I'm just stating how I feel at the moment, which will change with time and positive thinking. As of now though, I feel sad, a little stuck. I feel like people who give so much to others shouldn't have to worry about money. I have given up so much just to pursue my dream. I splurged on a top for Halloween. I spent $16 on myself after three months of not shopping for clothes. I cut out things I like to eat when we shop for groceries to save a few dollars, and although it was my choice to stop working and go to school, it still sucks! My partner and I feel guilty for turning people down for dinner dates. We intentionally eat before so we can share a plate.
We will get through this, because we've always gotten through the bumps. I'm almost done with the semester so I can get a full time job as well as finish up my last prerequisite.
*This isn't the place to offer advice. I will not move back into my parent's. My emotional health is worth more than saving $20,000 a year. There is too much past drama and unacknowledged pain or resentment to deal with. I'm focusing on my dream, and with money or not, I will reach it. I say that now, but I really wish we had a place where the payments were lower. I realize personality and values of others are something I cannot change, even though I try to preach to others my way of seeing or learning to change detrimental traits. If only I could put my brain into the brains of others for a second, maybe they could see how malleable we really are. I believe we are in control of our emotions, so I will be happy again.
It's just a bummer right now to be in this lack of financial stability. I'm not blaming anyone, and I'm not going to put myself down for making this choice. I'm just stating how I feel at the moment, which will change with time and positive thinking. As of now though, I feel sad, a little stuck. I feel like people who give so much to others shouldn't have to worry about money. I have given up so much just to pursue my dream. I splurged on a top for Halloween. I spent $16 on myself after three months of not shopping for clothes. I cut out things I like to eat when we shop for groceries to save a few dollars, and although it was my choice to stop working and go to school, it still sucks! My partner and I feel guilty for turning people down for dinner dates. We intentionally eat before so we can share a plate.
We will get through this, because we've always gotten through the bumps. I'm almost done with the semester so I can get a full time job as well as finish up my last prerequisite.
*This isn't the place to offer advice. I will not move back into my parent's. My emotional health is worth more than saving $20,000 a year. There is too much past drama and unacknowledged pain or resentment to deal with. I'm focusing on my dream, and with money or not, I will reach it. I say that now, but I really wish we had a place where the payments were lower. I realize personality and values of others are something I cannot change, even though I try to preach to others my way of seeing or learning to change detrimental traits. If only I could put my brain into the brains of others for a second, maybe they could see how malleable we really are. I believe we are in control of our emotions, so I will be happy again.
I think the kind of situation you are in is becoming increasingly common... You have a really good attitude and you seem pretty determined, I hope you stay that way! It's good to read about your thoughts... thank you.
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