passion

I finished my guidance final in 20 minutes and rushed over to the bursar's office for a refund. (I'm taking a chill semester and focusing on finding a bajillion jobs to pay for school next year) I had the most energizing conversation with a mom who decided to go back to school. She's in her 30s and came here from North Africa. I think she and I have a similar philosophy of life--we live so long that there is plenty of time to discover who we are. There will be changes in life or else our journeys would be predictable and boring. We want to model a lifelong journey of growth and acceptance, yet we will not take the negativity of others who cannot believe what we do is right, or who cannot understand that in this lifetime, you are either a person who tries, fails and learns or is too scared to change. I am fueled by her passion to grow. I want others to succeed and explore their options. I'm just really happy to have grown up in this country. I know if I were raised in a collectivist society, my values would be so strongly tied to my family's choices of what is "right or wrong". I am very thankful to have this opportunity to live during an era where the perspectives on learning and occupations are changing. We have such a long journey to live, there is no one way to live it, and I value my experience and people I meet along the way. I am looking forward to meeting the many more passionate people in this world, who will succeed for themselves, their children and to tell those who said they couldn't do it, they could. That made my day. :)

discovering myself

My dad called and it sparked a huge fight with my partner and I. It was funny because we both knew I redirected my frustrations onto the wrong person, but I really needed to verbalize my fears. Dad told me to "hurry up" with school. Well, it's not that easy when I have no models nor support within the family to make this a reality. No one's shown me, and I do feel lost. I've learned more of my direction with every job and class I've taken, and every mentor and child I've met along this journey, but I took a personal blow when my dad expressed his anxiety over my future. I even looked over my FaceBook friends list to see how many people are currently pursuing their Master's, PhDs or finishing up college. I got 35 friends. Most are my age--27 or 28 so it felt nice to be in good company. I wish I could explain to my parents that I am okay, and I don't view money the same way as they do--I'm a hippy artist. I am so grateful to have had the time to process my thoughts and focus on a dream. I know not many people get to realize this until later in life.

I also understand it's something a parent, no matter how old, will ever stop doing. It's innate or something. Parents worry about their children. I want to open up my brain and have a power point of all my ideas, goals and detailed plans I have for achieving them. It's a difference in generations too I think. I don't see the purpose of work as a means to purely make money and buy all the things I need, or to be secure. Sure, I will work to get the bills paid, but I see work as a definition of myself when possible, and I am going to take all this experience to become something so amazing for this world.

I scheduled three part-time jobs, my stats class and hopefully meetings with a counselor to get some more guidance back into my life. I had to drop Hospice volunteering because the early hours limited my availability for work. I'm hoping I can do some afternoon bereavement call volunteering.