I had questions about the flexibility of personality for a while, and I feel like I'm becoming more familiar with the types and combination. I feel blessed that mine is a changeable one, and that I am a first-born. I don't know why, but there is a correlation between being the first child and success. Kinda cool. It's not causation, correlation and I'll take it lol.
So with the temperaments--I wish all children had changeable personalities, but most likely the personality of your child when they are born is how they are going to be the rest of their lives. I mean, there is parent involvement to SHAPE a child's self-concept, behaviors and such, but overall, the personality you see as a baby is the one you'll have to deal with when he or she is a teenager. Hm, an example? Well, there are four types of temperament: easy, slow to warm, difficult and changeable, which is a combination of the first three. How can you tell with a baby? This can be observed through a child's ability to sleep and/or reactions to new people. If a child takes forever to sleep, or any noise will wake your kid, I'm assuming the kid's a difficult temperament. I assume because I'm not always right. No one is.
Does this mean your parenting future will be laced with challenges? Not exactly. If you know what temperament your child has, that means you can prepare and give your child the right tools to succeed and make positive choices in this world as an adult. You yourself will also need to learn how to calmly focus on what needs to be done to have the needs of your child met. I have seen many parents focus on themselves, complain or feel entire frustrated about the burden of a 'difficult' child. I will confirm that it is challenging, and it is frustrating. It's also a great opportunity to see yourself grow to be able to guide a young person given their personality traits.
It also takes a great person to acknowledge areas that need improvement, to ask for advice, and if it were not successful, to NOT hold grudges. It's all trial and error, but there are ways of learning from others so unnecessary mistakes won't be made. That's why I love 'practicing' with other people's children lollll just kidding. I think I have been successful with so many families because I was able to separate myself emotionally from the 'moment'. Let's say a child is throwing a tantrum--many parents are unable to calm themselves, separate from the event and objectively act appropriately. I am attached to the children, I adore them and I love what I can do to improve their lives, but I know it takes time to learn how to respond rather than react.
How Temperament Affects Parents
In regards to taking advice from other parents, I find it difficult to. One reason is because in the past it has been condescending. It usually goes like this, "Well, you don't have any children, so you will never understand fully what it means to raise a child." In my mind, I go over all my experience with all the stages of development that I have had the personal experience of guiding and shaping successfully. I will admit I am not the expert on babies. I do know, however, how language is acquired, attachment is developed, the creation of self-concept and self-esteem, and parenting styles that cater to differing personality types. I also know about learning disabilities and early intervention programs from the state. I know about respectful parenting, offering choices and when to be firm. I know when to follow through and patterns of behavior. I mentor three young women, from their elementary years to now as high school students interested in college. YET I am not a parent.
Sometimes I feel like I'll never be validated by those parents. They have something stuck up their butts LOL. :)
Unless they are trained professionals with experience with children of varying social, emotional, cognitive, cultural backgrounds, I won't because it's biased. I will only take the advice if it's for their own child, because parents will know their children best. I will not deny that they are the number one source to learn about a child, besides 24-hour observation. I have had to show parents and empower them to act. It's very difficult to change when the current state of mind is one of loss (a child has a deficit of some sort), or pity (Why me?). I haven't been there in the past as a counselor or a behavioral therapist for the parents, but it seems like it may be an option for the future. If a person is willing to admit they need more skills to succeed, I think that's a wonderful place to start moving towards progress.
So with the temperaments--I wish all children had changeable personalities, but most likely the personality of your child when they are born is how they are going to be the rest of their lives. I mean, there is parent involvement to SHAPE a child's self-concept, behaviors and such, but overall, the personality you see as a baby is the one you'll have to deal with when he or she is a teenager. Hm, an example? Well, there are four types of temperament: easy, slow to warm, difficult and changeable, which is a combination of the first three. How can you tell with a baby? This can be observed through a child's ability to sleep and/or reactions to new people. If a child takes forever to sleep, or any noise will wake your kid, I'm assuming the kid's a difficult temperament. I assume because I'm not always right. No one is.
Does this mean your parenting future will be laced with challenges? Not exactly. If you know what temperament your child has, that means you can prepare and give your child the right tools to succeed and make positive choices in this world as an adult. You yourself will also need to learn how to calmly focus on what needs to be done to have the needs of your child met. I have seen many parents focus on themselves, complain or feel entire frustrated about the burden of a 'difficult' child. I will confirm that it is challenging, and it is frustrating. It's also a great opportunity to see yourself grow to be able to guide a young person given their personality traits.
It also takes a great person to acknowledge areas that need improvement, to ask for advice, and if it were not successful, to NOT hold grudges. It's all trial and error, but there are ways of learning from others so unnecessary mistakes won't be made. That's why I love 'practicing' with other people's children lollll just kidding. I think I have been successful with so many families because I was able to separate myself emotionally from the 'moment'. Let's say a child is throwing a tantrum--many parents are unable to calm themselves, separate from the event and objectively act appropriately. I am attached to the children, I adore them and I love what I can do to improve their lives, but I know it takes time to learn how to respond rather than react.
How Temperament Affects Parents
In regards to taking advice from other parents, I find it difficult to. One reason is because in the past it has been condescending. It usually goes like this, "Well, you don't have any children, so you will never understand fully what it means to raise a child." In my mind, I go over all my experience with all the stages of development that I have had the personal experience of guiding and shaping successfully. I will admit I am not the expert on babies. I do know, however, how language is acquired, attachment is developed, the creation of self-concept and self-esteem, and parenting styles that cater to differing personality types. I also know about learning disabilities and early intervention programs from the state. I know about respectful parenting, offering choices and when to be firm. I know when to follow through and patterns of behavior. I mentor three young women, from their elementary years to now as high school students interested in college. YET I am not a parent.
Sometimes I feel like I'll never be validated by those parents. They have something stuck up their butts LOL. :)
Unless they are trained professionals with experience with children of varying social, emotional, cognitive, cultural backgrounds, I won't because it's biased. I will only take the advice if it's for their own child, because parents will know their children best. I will not deny that they are the number one source to learn about a child, besides 24-hour observation. I have had to show parents and empower them to act. It's very difficult to change when the current state of mind is one of loss (a child has a deficit of some sort), or pity (Why me?). I haven't been there in the past as a counselor or a behavioral therapist for the parents, but it seems like it may be an option for the future. If a person is willing to admit they need more skills to succeed, I think that's a wonderful place to start moving towards progress.
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